Self Doubt

Self doubt is a bitch.  Is it based on an honest self reflection of ones own abilities?  That question, I find, is impossible to answer.  I do know that I think that I will fail.  But I sure hope I do not.  


I am in the library at NIU, it is 9:00 am and it is my birthday.  I am 27 and I cannot get over that fact.  I suppose that I am now an adult.  


A teacher should be an adult and they should also feel like one.  It seems to me, that in order to command a classroom, as a teacher must, one must have the self confidence and whatever else it is that adults possess.  I do not know what qualities an "adult" possesses but I do not think that I have them.  I am far too self conscious.  Why am I like I am?  I grow up through the passage of time, as everyone does equally, but one also needs to grow up through the acquisition of qualities and behaviors that define adulthood.  This process can only happen through experiences; learning from them and reflecting on them.  


*Aside: Every time I feel the need to use a semicolon I think of Kurt Vonnegut.  He wrote: 


"Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college."


I have been to college so I suppose it is a good thing to offer some proof of that, but I am still super self conscious regarding the use of semicolons.  I don't want Kurt Vonnegut to think poorly of me.  Oh well.


My goals for today are:
1. Write the two quizzes for my DNA Replication and Protein Synthesis UNIT PLAN.
2. Create the DNA Structure and Replication power point presentation for my previously named UNIT PLAN.
3. That seems to be enough.  It is, after all, my birthday.  
4. Upload and Print my ILAS 301 homework.
5. Get the previous 4 finished in time to catch some of the Cubs game with a beer at fatties.
6. CLASS


What will I do today to make myself a better teacher?  I will be as engaged and excited as I can be in my classes.  I will ask questions, make comments and chat with my peers.  




I want to take this chance to briefly discuss my feelings regarding the human beings' self centered need to confuse our ruining of the world with our ruining of the world with regards to its habitability for human beings. Whatever we do to the world, I feel confident in predicting that the earth and, yes, even the universe, will march forward through eternity.  The only thing that can bring about the end of our home is the same thing that brought about its' very existence: the sun.  And there is no moral judgement that can be placed upon the suns' inevitable, looming destruction of the earth.  


I will even go one step further in predicting that whatever condition we leave the earth in will provide for the perfect environment for some unforeseen form of life that will owe to us a large debt of gratitude for "ruining" the earth.  We may kill, rape, destroy, level, pummel and punish whatever life currently exists but in doing so we will only open the doors for some new life to emerge and flourish.  Whatever bad we do, in the big picture, will be balanced, quite equally in a moral sense, by whatever good we do for something else.  Human beings are not the be all, end all and life will continue living regardless of how are story ends.  We are insignificant.